An Aria for my brother       Traversing the Inner Labyrinth        July 20, 2017

      As we circle the block again looking for a parking space the opera singers aria on the radio is full  rich and deep. I am singing my aria for my brother as we ease into the space and I bring him home.The singer who sings the aria doesn't get bogged down or tired. She just sings and so do I.


     We are just returned home from HCMC where my brother was almost admitted into the psychiactric  unit. But notthis time. I sing the aria of all the times I have been with him before and accompanied him on the long labryrinthian journey through his psyche back to feeling good again.


      As I look into his face I look past the generations and see our gran pa shuffling and obsessed, speaking of Jacob in the bible... I see my father with his brilliant wit, determined to be right.. I see our mother laying on the couch in one of her disabled depressive modes.


      My aria becomes tender, passionate and compassionate in turns as I hold onto my brother. Knowing I am here at this moment to bear witness to his suffering and to try to comfort him and guide him through.


    There are no easy answers, but singing this internal aria and drawing help me feel that I am not falling apart too.


     We keep moving through time. The ghosts of our familys troubled past lead the way.
I keep singing. I keep holding onto my brother. I keep drawing... He leads the way and I hold onto him...wishing him safe passage back to a better place.

Healing Heart Hamsa for Josh

Healing Heart Hamsa for Josh

    This morning it rained and I awoke Late. I painted two healing images for Josh. He has been in the hospital since Friday when I rode in the ambulance back to HCMC again.....this time shortness of breath and fluid build up from his atrial fibulation.....time..heart beat...thumpety thump thump....time and so many heart beats ago

that  the last time I posted was in November...back when the election was bad enough and it is so much worse now...back when we were just consulting with the surgeon about Josh's upcoming knee replacement...back when it was before the long winter and the bad election was about all the bad weather I thought we would be contending with...but the winter was long and fraught and there have been so many set backs for Josh...hospitalizations..and ER and one thing after another after another...

     drawing remains..and now I look back on all those moments recorded...and now there is just the next piece of paper and this healing moment of drawing and the next..and holding onto Josh in his moments of pain and suffering...wishing there was more space and healing in between these moments.

     So I drew him today...the fluid build up on his heart leaving and the oxygen of Divine breath in and out and in and out and in and out...holding and healing him...I drew that and then drew this healing image of his heart...

    The phone rang and he was in pain again...so I rushed to his side..The allergic reaction to the cleaning chemicals in his room caused him once again..pain and an unneccesary set back...

I held him. He sneezed and sneezed again. eyes watering and stressed.

        I put up the healing heart hamsa on his wall and then painted in the other painting of him with fluid leaving and the Divine breath in and out and in out. They are now on his wall holding him....giving out the healing energy that art can give....

      Then we watched TV which was a nice sedative, especially the Home building shows where all the pieces fit and look really good. No swear words or mishaps. Its how you'd like a life to be. The pieces fitting just so......and our pieces fit just so..in their own way..despite the challenges and difficulties along the way.

    As I left I held him and he said "Just love me the way I am.".

I held him close.

    A Viennese waltz played as I drove home in the rain..and I knew my mother was bending in close to me from her heavenly realm..giving me courage and strength to deal with Josh's Oh So Many Health Challenges and Crisis....I sat and listened to every note of the music when I pulled into the driveway..... feeling my mother leaning in and holding me.... as I hold onto Josh and

Love him just the way he is.....