Saturday evening December 28, 2024 

Honoring Emma who brought you two Hot Sandwiches 

Helpless time says with compassion: 

"You haven't eaten for about twelve hours.."

Musings On Time: 

    It is  comforting to make a list of Things to Do and by day's end have checked off most of them.And the predictability of a schedule whether a job or personal projects to get done is a great thing.

         But then there are the times when Regular Time is upended and we find outselves without a guide or chart as we enter uncharted Territory.

                        ................Hospital Time..................suddenly my late husband and I found outselves adrift in Hospital Time....he was being pushed down long hallways and me following behind..until we were "settled" into a hospital room.....regular time left the moment we crossed the thresh hold and Josh laid there...tubes in place...I had only my sketchbook, pen, and paints and so there were on the lonely desert island of timeless hospital time...Regular Time rolled over and laughed.... a Schedule? things to do?  All Gone....there we were in Endless time....these are the drawings I did to mark that time.

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But as focused in as I was on our experience...our questions...and 

our uncertainties.... despite the challenges I was able to turn my gaze upon

those who came to our side with such compassion and helped us every step of the way.

               The Kindly Ambulance Driver                             Tibetan Cafeteria Workers

           Oh so helpful Kristin who brought Josh lunch.         Competent Dr Korkas 

             Qumar our nurse.                                                 Very late at night...Dr Casey Stessman.

Dr Lo comes in and asks careful, thoughtful questions.

Meliss.  PA- C        Empathy

                                           Josh's heart beating.      Our ultrasound team.

We tell Dr RH. Amy  "Yes, We Are Old Hippies."

So dear reader....these are just some of my musings and drawings

that drifted up from the tides of memories...as I look back on a 

timeless time of caring for my late husband Josh...

and how time drifted and became formless but also

 more meaningful and urgent than our everyday life..

This is enough for now. 

I will Draw up from the Well of Insight again and share more soon.

and always keeping in mind thatd

Drawing in the Lowly Places was where the Blessings flowed down.

I Steady my Steps Musings on Being a Mountain Goat

        One of Three Musings on the present Moment and the Nature of Time, Memory and Holidays.

I Steady my steps as I walk into twilight along the lake edge. Deepening dusk holds me as people sit hunched over their ice holes sitting on a bucket on the lake. Waiting. It is a patient kind of time.

I steady my step and memory rises up....suddenly I am back in the holy corridors of Hennepin Healthcare six years ago traversing difficult unknown medical territory. Suddenly it all comes back and I recall how the image of the Mountain Goat rose up one icy morning as I turned onto Highway 55 as it snowed and I was on my way to see Josh in Cardio Renal. Once again. Even as I gripped the steering wheel the image of the Mountain Goat rose up. I thought to myself! I can do this. 

I am  a Mountain Goat.

My feet are secure and will not lose their grip.

No matter how tough it gets, I can even hang upside down.

And survive.

And so once again I drew my way through for the next 6 weeks. Allowing the image of the Mountain Goat to be each appointment, each difficulty, each joy and each challenge. This is my personal testimony to how art can take our hand and guide us through challenging terrain.

For you the Reader here is a Selection of 6 drawings from the over 65 drawings I did. Here is how I navigated the Holy Corridors of Hennepin Healthcare and How Art helped me care for my beloved late husband Josh. Now of blessed memory

                                                           

Blessings of the Lowly Places: Everyone has their Story

 

Thanksgiving Musings and the Bounty

of Family

We were all together for that afternoon..

            November brought us all together for Thanksgiving for the afternoon. We feasted on the

 Thanksgiving foods and shared out time together. Telling old family stories and laughing.

Everybody has their Story.

            An old friend almost moved in but it didn't work out for a number of reasons. After

the stress of that moment I set out to relax in the pool in St Paul.  As I rounded the corner I found heard a pop and an exhale. Then Whoosh! My tire was Flat! I pulled into a little driveway overlooking a barren area under development and called AAA. A cheerful voice said "It will be 15 minutes!" and so I waited as the clock struck 4 pm. The time passed. The sun went down and darkness set in. An hour went by. I passed the time by drawing my way through although I felt a myriad of emotions. It was hard. My drawings reveal my struggles to feel trust as my feet got cold, as I reached to Trust and not be scared and to be in the moment. Drawing my way through as usual.

                                

Weary time kept ticking and finally an hour and a half later Eric called and told me to put on my flashers Blinking, blinking into the dark night I waited! Finally he came. A stocky good looking bearded guy. As I sat in the warm cab he banged on the tire and could not get it off. We towed it to my house.

I carefully drew him with Too Many Cars to Count around him.

I was home safe and did not have to think about the car for a day.

As frost gathered on the window

As my pillow froze on the windows.

As my cats slept and snored.

As I slept

As the season turned into deeper winter.

TODAY

 

As snow turned the roads into beautiful white ribbons.

I woke slowly and made my way downstairs to have coffee and wake up.

Finally I called AAA and my tow truck guy came soon. He was tired

having towed cars all night long. He hitched up the car.

I drew him and we talked. He told me he was native american

I leapt through the years and we talked about baseball.

I drew him and gave him the drawing.

Arriving at Tires for You there was a long line of cars and Oh No!

I had forgotten to bring my car keys! 
How absent minded of me!!

He was patient although tired as we waited for my sweetie to bring the keys.

Finally he came and I was in my car driving it in a very lumpy dumpy way

It was slow.

I texted and sighed.

And tuned into my daily Jewish Meditation Class which felt miles

away (it is on the east coast) and meditation felt rarified as I dealt 

with waiting in line. Finally at a snails pace we moved along.

I got out of my car and met Ahmed in line behind me.

We smiled and he handed me his snow brush so I could brush

the snow off my car

I did not say a blessing over the fluffy white snow

But I felt a Blessing rise in me as I looked upon that familiar

winter sunlight that illuminated gritty 3rd avenue briefly

transforming it into a numinous place of insight and in

that brief moment I was grateful

and felt how winter sheds light on the inner life.

then the sun faded and it was gloomy.

It was all very slow and I truly felt I was going nowhere fast.

Finally I was inside and I recognized it all as I had drawn the workers and 

the place when I was there in June. There I sat in the lowly place among the

cars, tools, grease and dirt. It is a fast paced place.

Edwin remembered how I had drawn him and 

I remembered how I like to draw people who aren't seen.

and thus the blessings flowed down on me. 
He got me two good tires for a real good price

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A Tale of Memory and Hennepin Healthcare

As I waited a man came up to me smiling! It was Chef Don who made such great meals 

when I was at Hennepin Healthcare with my late husband Josh 6 years ago.

Memories and moments flooded back of how I would go eat such a great inexpensive meal 

prepared by him in the midst of so much chaos, uncertainty and challenges.

.    
     Chef Donald                                                                                         Michael the Dishwasher

                              Oh so hungry hardworking Hospital Workers 

                  ......and so the moments faded and the years floated away and I remembered....

                  We embraced and bid farewell .....knowing we would meet again.....

          And I drew Hassan....... he was impatient waiting for his car to be fixed...and I asked if I could draw him.Always a vulnerable moment....he waited and then he turned to me..and I looked into his face......and there is that tender moment as I look up and down at my pad... drawing and looking and feeling...He exclaimed!! "Amazing!"   "Amazing". and I gave him the drawing.

                             My bill was so reasonable...and I felt somehow the blessings had flowed down 

    to me....and there on that very busy day...the guy I gave my payment to was in pain from a recent appendicitis operation... I drew him a healing hand... 

I left and drove on beautiful ribboned roads all around the lake

Loving winter for only a few minutes

until I felt the challenge of driving on ice all over again.

But my back wheels carefully guided me home.

   

 

                     

All the Moments: Emily the ER Nurse at MCAD Sale

Sometime in 2017
HONORING Emma who brought you two hot sandwiches after you

had not eaten for twelve hours in the ER 

Honoring the Old Memories

Emily who remembers me from ER so long Ago

Last night I was at the MCAD sale with my work surrounding me like a peacocks tail open around me. The moments and the decades revealed...that's when I painted waterlilies by the Mississippi with Pat..that's the Romanina flower market I found beauty and inspiration in Cluj after my group saw the sign on the synagogue saying the Jews were rounded up fro Aushwitz there, here is my backyard, and the cardinal amid the flowering crab tree in the front yard...here it is all of it! The winter water lilies at Walker Art Center Conservatory long ago

And then Emily stops. I smile as she has my mother's name and then she remembers..

"I know You" I remember you!" You sat and painted everyone in the ER when

you were there with your late husband. And then I remember too.

I am no longer at this nice bustling art sale with a glass of white wine in my hand,

booming music and my memories and art arrayed around me.

I remember those nights.

When I called 911 so desperately 

when the minutes ticked by like hours 

and the siren's shrill call was comforting

because I knew help was close and on the way

after the men in heavy clothes evaluated you

after you were helped out to the ambulance

I ran out the back door with my

sketch book, paints and snacks.

I knew what to pack for these moments.

after the relief of finding you in 9B

or 8C or 7A settled in 
I created a small studio that was the extra chair in the ER room

the ghosts of those there just before us had not left

and we were there to endure the hours.

that's when I drew Emily

She said:

"You just painted and painted"

and I did

It was how I navigated the hours and uncetainties

as the Divine Hand held us.

The years have rolled by

but when an ambulance shrieks by ...

I remember all of it again

Emily and I hug.

I weep for what was

as I sit there in the splendor 

remembering the past

and enjoying those I draw in the moment

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How it was

ER that Time.  ER this time.  ER that time

                                                        

          
 

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Drawing My Way Through:Musings and Moments Week of November 15 to November 23rd

 Drawing My Way Through:Musings and Moments November 2024

• By returning to this Blog I hope to communicate my inner life of drawing in the moment and 
• paying attention to how my life flows by in an often lyrical way.

Ongoing Meaningful Relationships at MCAD

PAINTING WITH BELLA

Over the last year and a half I have been able to renew my relationship to MCAD and the students there. I leap effortlessly through the 50 years since I graduated from there in 1974 and continue to have meaningful experiences there including being a part of Art Sale, and Auction.

Once upon a time I set up art projects for dear Bella at the private Jewish Day School I taught at. She is a student at MCAD and invited me to paint with her and others last friday. So it was poignant to have her set up a project for me as I had once done for her. The small paintings we did are being given to residents at Ebenezer Nursing Home. A very weary place I once worked.

But I know these paintings will bring Joy!!

As always I feel like a water lily that has spiraled up through the complex waters of the years to Bloom on the Surface in Splendor once again!

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Balance and Beauty

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